RE: WTF?!

So my last night in Vancouver, Nat and I were watching Four Weddings (of course, that was after a full-blown Say Yes to the Dress marathon ... no shame here). I enjoy the show because you get to see the entire process and the different brides often have wildly different ideas of what a wedding should be like. Which is very entertaining.

But this bride seriously took the (wedding) cake.

Dear Colleen,

I'm glad you're getting married and all, and I'm let you finish ... but that is the most ridiculous dress of all time. Of all time! Kanye impersonations aside, can I just say - looking like a cream puff that's gone moldy is ... very creative. Thank you for making it the most fun night of television I've had in a long time!

Ok, so that was a bit mean. And I admit, at first, I was like, whoah, this dress is ridiculous! But then I thought about it more closely and I realized that you actually thought it all through. You weren't just dressing like a crazy person - you had a plan for every contingency!

See, the airplane-pillow-like collar is for those moments during the wedding when you wanted to take a nap (say, after your dramatic renditions of 'I want to bear the seed of your loins', if I remember correctly; it looked very powerful and exhausting). And I agree that it's very useful to have a pillow handy. I think I'll start wearing one to class!

And the poofy sleeves are for hiding those little blue pills ... because you really wanted to get started on that 'seed of your loins' thing. And by the way you were practically copulating during your first kiss with the groom ... well, I think they came in handy! And honestly, I think that's  a very practical use of the dress. I'm going to start hiding stuff in my sleeves too, so that when I'm exhausted at a work meeting or something, I'll just pretend to yawn and pop a caffeine pill. Brilliant!

And that mermaid/fishtail skirt. Well ... I think what you meant was for the green to symbolize your verdant, unexplored pastures, if you know what I mean, but I think the true purpose was to make this dress very comfortable to run away in, in case any other man decided he wanted to ... explore the pastures. Which is very very thoughtful of you, especially in such a wild city as New York. Safety first girl!

So I have to say, after giving it some thought, I will now be copying your fashion statement by inserting such useful additions as airplane-pillows, sleeve pockets and slit skirts into my own everyday wear.

Love,
Will now be able to sleep, eat and run away from class much more efficiently